If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”“The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that still carries any reward.”“If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.”“Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.”“The greatest thief this world has ever produced is procrastination, and he is still at large.”“The secret of the demagogue is to make himself as stupid as his audience so they believe they are clever as he.”“The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.”“True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.”“A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. All Rights Reserved.“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.”“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”“The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.”“The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.”“Light travels faster than sound. They try to kill and eat you. “Please help me complete this sentence: ‘The funniest thing about Donald Trump is…'” The ensuing responses made for a pretty fair approximation of a Trump’s Greatest Hits list. He said okay, you’re ugly too.”“We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.”“I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.”“It’s true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?”“Recession is when a neighbor loses his job. Just a moment while we sign you in to your Goodreads account. I could have looked all heroic and caught you or something -Shane” We’ve compiled the largest list of funny quotes to make you laugh out loud. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.”“I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work.
Raise my hand.”“I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. Not only does laughter reduce stress, it lowers your blood pressure, gives you an excellent ab workout, and releases endorphins.
He won’t expect it back.”“Always forgive your enemies – nothing annoys them so much.”“I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.”“I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable.
'”“Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. Favourite answer.
All tees contain a funny, sarcastic, and hilarious design or quote that will make someone smile.
https://www.pinterest.com/alinarojass/tell-me-something-funny
'”“My grandfather once told me that there were two kinds of people: those who do the work and those who take the credit.
“Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.”
Our hand-picked list of hilarious jokes is guaranteed to make anyone laugh.
Some fit better than others. 14 . Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it.”“If you can’t live without me, why aren’t you dead already?”“If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.”“Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.”“Education is learning what you didn’t even know you didn’t know.”“Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.”“I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.”“Everyone has a purpose in life. Anonymous. People are harder. Depression is when you lose yours.”“Have no fear of perfection. Jul 17, 2017 - Explore Shelby H20s's board "Tell me something funny", followed by 244 people on Pinterest.
Victoria’s no longer a secret : So my oldest brother Ethan doesn’t like wearing pants while at home, he wears boxers (because he’s a gentleman) but REFUSES to wear pants.
50 Genuinely Funny Jokes to make you laugh Last Updated: 8th July 2020. Can you tell me something funny or anything that'll make my day today?
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